Manifestations of the Muse (2)

My Pallid Queen


‘Twas in the brook Lieti
I first beheld my lady;
she gazed upon the waters
          running green.


Her kirtle held she to her thighs,
and dreamland’s mists were in her eyes
as gazed she at the freshet
          flowing free.


She was a sprite, a slender reed,
a graceful water bird, I deemed,
an airy nymph, this maid
          upon the stream.


A faery vision pale, and all
my lifelong hopes were hers in thrall   
that moment, when I saw her
          in the stream.


The water plashing those fair limbs
pronounced she knew no earthly sin;
and all the world as innocent
          as she.


And as I held her face, her form,
I knew her holy as the dawn
that smiles upon the earth
          afresh and clean.


In her I saw all women fair,
all tenderness, all love, all care,
the sum of all that maidenhood
          could mean.


I moved a mite so she would note
this wan and callow youth’s approach,
and prayed that breath would not
          disturb the dream.


And as my glance about her played
she shook her hair to disarray,
and lowered eyes, and smiled
          upon the stream.


Oh! Dare I cross the water green,
to see her close, to touch my queen?
(Her lovely eyes uplifted
          from the stream.)


My pounding heart, my breathing taut
betrayed my feelings, as I sought
to stand among the ripples
          at her knee.


And O, the glory when that gaze
lit to my eyes, and I, amazed,
flushed o’er and mumbled words
          as in a dream.


I wound her in a shy embrace,
and placed my palms about her face;
her kirtle fell awash
          amid the stream.


We trembled at that touch, but ere
her closèd eyes did open – there,
a tear plunged, a-tumble
          to her cheek.


She smiled all sad. Without a sound
took up her kirtle, turned a-round,
and walked into the shadowed
          waters green.


One moment walking there, then naught –
but therewith on the bank, methought,
her figure, silent, and her
          sad eyes’ gleam.


O maiden, wait! You are my love!
Stay with me, by the gods above!
I know, oh know I love you,
          pallid queen!


With frame a-tremble, heart a-pound,
I searched, and called, but never found –
and knew, oh knew, I’d lost
          my pallid queen!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


That newfound love, so strong, so deep,
should let such chords of sadness creep
about my youthful heart
          was hard to bear.


A lacerating sorrow cleaved
through all my days. Like wind-blown leaves
I drifted o’er life’s byways,
          o’er life’s fields.


I searched for her through all the years,
with secret doubts, and secret fears
(How was it that I lost
          my pallid queen?)


I found her once, but in the world;
when street and throng and time and churl
had scathed me well and scarred
          my pallid queen.


We could have loved, who knows, who knows,
but carking cares and worldly woes
assailed our souls. I lost
          my pallid queen.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


No longer callow youth and wan
but passing three-score years and one,
I know, oh know I’ll find
          my pallid queen!


O Goddess! I love you to the end,
as when I saw the waters bend
about your feet and faltered
          at the stream!


And in the brook Lieti,
where first I saw my lady,
I gaze upon the waters
          running green.



(From ‘The Lost Manuscripts’)

Note:  Of the full 26 stanzas above, the first 13 appeared separately as ‘The Lure of the Naiad’ in Poems from The Armoured Isle (3)  in the Aug-Oct 2020 section of The Igam-Ogam Mabinogion. In a modified form, 5 will also occur in the upcoming‘ Ballad of Tristame and Goldemar’.

The protagonist’s perplexity in stanza 22 ‘I found her once, but in the world … ‘  brings to mind Matthew Arnold’s lines to his Marguerite in ‘The Terrace at Berne’: ‘Or shall I find thee still, but changed, ….. /  With all thy being re-arranged, / Pass’d through the crucible of time:’ . At all events, the poet had likewise to admit that his was a lost love.



Apologia: I appear to have accidentally blotted out my fully-working version of The Ig-Og, and will for a little while be unable to respond to comments offered. if you wish to add any for ‘My Pallid Queen’ they would, as always, be much welcomed and appreciated and I will respond to them as soon as possible.

It’s been a whole unusual ten months, too, since a poem was posted – and now that things are looking up again that is something I propose to remedy straight away, Best wishes to all!