Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
wrote some gospels – got them wrong.
Paul wrote letters, in frustration,
with a chic interpretation.
Constantine – oh glory be! –
The Fathers, not to be outclassed,
doctored everything, en masse.
Schisms then became the fashion –
dissecting minor points with passion.
(And when the pagans got the boot
the heretics soon followed suit).
But Councils flunked their math, you see;
well, one is one, and can’t be three.
Soon, anchorites and cenobites
took flagellation to new heights,
till loot and pillage took the stage.
Hurrah for all those great Crusades!
(While monasteries had learned to equate
their simple prayer with real estate
and friars and abbots, plain to see,
took vows of strict obesity).
The troop of Popes still came and went;
but Martin Luther stopped their rent.
Inquisitors, though, persuaded well –
the Engineering Corps from Hell.
Still, big trouble – tiffs and fights,
as both the “isms” claimed they’re right.
Splinter groups then had a ball –
today’s a #?!!@$#?! free-for-all.
Jesus, come and help us out!
Explain again what it’s about!
(and speak slowly this time).
From ‘Of Gods and Men’